There’s only one thing that has the power to lift the crippling waves of apathy covering UB’s campus: students banning together to bitch about how dumb everyone in charge is. It’s one thing that keeps the enrollment numbers so high, and sadly, it’s something that students were cheated out of this fall.
As everyone started gearing up for school and the collective complaining that was sure to occur once they stepped foot on campus, students were upset to find that good news awaited them. Now at a loss on where to direct their grumbling, UB is desperate to find something to resent right away.
This epidemic of resigned approval began last week, when the Student Association announced the Fall Fest lineup. J Cole and Childish Gambino will headline and the concert will take place on September 1, during the first weekend of classes. This came as bad news to most of the UB population, who were preparing to yell, scream, and riot over what a bad job the SA is doing.
“I’m so pissed that the SA actually booked good performers this year,” said Tyler Reynolds, junior history major. “I already had the best UB meme made and ready to post for when they fucked up again. Now what am I going to do? Make a meme about how my financial aid was cut? Talk about boring.”
Unfortunately for Reynolds, he was begrudgingly excited about the quality performers booked by the SA and now doesn’t know where to direct all of his animosity. And he is not alone. Many students have become miserable now that they cannot complain about a bad lineup – the main reason students were giddy to return.
Although not too concerned when news broke last year that the SA treasurer attempted to scam the entire school and its students out of around three hundred thousand dollars, students are incredibly invested in and concerned about the three-hour concert that occurs twice a year. More than looking forward to the concert itself, UB waits on the edge of their seats with fingers twitching to write scathing reviews and “witty” remarks about how the SA let the student body down yet again.
“Last year they gave us prime ammunition,” said Brian Phillips, senior chemistry major. “I put as my Facebook status: ‘The Fray? I think you mean THE GAY.’ It got a lot of laughs.”
Although Phillips didn’t take the two minutes out of his day to vote for the officials come election time, he said that it was more because he enjoys complaining about the people in charge more than he’d like commending them on their competence. So when he found out that he would be cheated out of his usual scathing tirades, he was unhappy that he couldn’t be unhappy.
“Listen, I don’t know who this Sikander person is that you keep talking about,” said Erin Woodhouse, sophomore engineering major. “All I know is that Fall Fest actually looks like it’s going to be a good concert and you know what that means? I have to go back to complaining about how dining hall food sucks and frankly, the material gets stale after a while – just like Pistachios garlic bread!”